By | 18.10.2018
Main->Best dating->Ask Erin: I'm In Love With My Best Friend But He Has A Girlfriend

Ask Erin: I'm In Love With My Best Friend But He Has A Girlfriend


Those that I convey to, their advice is just generic, some that I already knew I should be doing. Friends come to me for advice as well. I had to knock some sense into a close friend of mine that she is worthy of the guy I love. The after effects are just complex. It can be quite a battle to reconcile what your mind knows is real and what your heart feels. The heart will feel what it wants to feel, and right now it seems like your heart kinda wants to feel sorry for yourself.

You took your time, you respected his feelings, and you didn't even try and date her on purpose.

Girl i like is dating my best friend

Don't break up with her. You also have the right to choose your relationships, and no butt-hurt friend should make you break it. Try and talk with him, and if he doesn't want to cooperate, ask help from your mutual friends to sort things out.

People are bringing up bro code and the like but honestly, he shot his shot, she shot him down, you waited a while and grew close to her then started dating. If, like you mentioned in the comments, y'all have been dating now for a few months, honestly you're clear here.

He can get over it if he really values your friendship. It'd be an asshole move if they actually dated at any point. But they never did, he just had a crush on her. And a crush honestly doesn't mean shit after a while. NTA This situation happened to me.

All my friends and I had a crush on the same guy. Him and I ended up dating after I spoke with my girlfriends about it. I mean yes and no, YNTA, you couldn't predict you would have a crush on her and she's not your friends property but also you asked someone out your friend had a crush on so was always going to hurt them.

I'm edging on NAH. You like her, she likes you, she doesn't like him. Unless he bails on your friendship, I'm saying NAH. Why would it be bad of him to end the friendship? If I was in the place of the friend there's no amount of money you could pay me to watch the situation unfold. Sometimes friendships just end, it's just a fact of life and more often than not, it's not worth keeping them after a situation like this. You'd really ditch a friend over a girl you like who doesn't return the feelings liking that friend with him reciprocating?

It's not about right or wrong here, but mostly about keeping your own sanity. There's things I'd rather not see in situations like that. It's just so much easier on the mind. Have you ever been in a situation like that? If yes, and you reacted the way you described, it's a very good trait to have for sure. But having been in a similar situation myself I can assure you that distance is key in those situations.

For me personally at least.

And my own peace of mind and well being take precedent over any relationship I have. A good friendship can last a lifetime. High school hormones don't.

If your friend really cares about your crush, the right thing to do may be to . The best way to deal with situations like this is to approach your. Several years ago, I started dating my best friend. Once you've seen someone in such an intimate situation, like sex, you never see them. Should” is a difficult word. In theory, you should be happy for them. While I'm sure that on some level you are, the normal reaction is to wail.

Been there, and I still have a good friend I first met in high school in It is a record of the post as originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. NTA, dating is tricky, higschool is rife with emotions and confusion. You are however, an asshole if you can't be low-key about it. Also, remember that what doesn't seem like a big deal to you might bother him to no end. A simple hand-holding is likely to be hurtful for him to see. I'm not saying don't date, just be nice when he's there.

I mean, I need more info, but it sounds like you're being nice. If he can't forgive the two of you for this then I think that's on him.

As a straight woman with a lot of straight male best friends I don't It was the first legit relationship for both of us and it lasted like three years. There is this girl I have known for 8 years and pretty much always had feelings for her and never acted on them and then she disappeared for a. Ask Erin: I'm In Love With My Best Friend, But He Has A Girlfriend; For the last two years he has been dating a girl, let's call her Anna, but.

And remember, just because he struggles with depression doesn't give him a free pass to do whatever he wants. He still needs to abide by standard social rules.

Nobody gets the moral high ground. You liked her, she liked you, she didnt like him. I know it's probably tough for him, but if hes got any sense about him he'll accept that that's just how it is sometimes,and from the sounds of that edit he probably did.

I'm sure seeing you guys together hurts for him, but hopefully he'll be able to get over it. As you get older, you'll realize that having a crush on someone doesn't really mean anything.

You don't get to tell your friends "Hey I find this girl attractive, so none of you can date her. You have every right to date this girl. He has every right to not be your friend for whatever reason. He had his chance, and she want interested. It's not like you swooped in before he had a chance. I understand you and your friend equally to be honest. You have the right to be happy with her, but there was no conceivable way for your friend to not abandon you.

Dear Winnie, my best friend is dating the guy I love. It's all very simple — two girls liking the same guy, and he made a choice already. If this kid is that much of a good friend then maybe telling him so he'll understand isn't such a bad idea. Not the girl though. I'm sorry but being. Find out what you should do if your best friend starts dating the person you like, with tips from a licensed counselor.

Of course he felt betrayed. Anyone would feel this way, at least at such a young age. He probably felt humiliated by you and of course he won't see you anymore. I wouldn't have acted different. And also, what would you expect in the future? That he watches you being together with her at social gatherings constantly? See you kiss his crush? Listen to you talk about her? It's better for his own sake to not see that, especially considering his mental stability at the moment.

If he spent time with you, he would probably feel horrible the entire time. You would act as a constant reminder of his crush and of what you did. You made a choice here, wether you realised it or not. Don't get me wrong, it's completely within your rights to choose any of the two without being an asshole, but it's not compatible. I know from your position it seems pretty of him, but it really isn't if you try to see yourself in that situation I'm sure you'll understand.


It sucks a bit yeah for your friend but she already passed on him, he ideally shouldn't have any expectations towards her anymore. I totally get how your friend would be upset, but unfortunately for him she just wasn't interested.

I'm sure it feels like everything is going wrong for your friend right now though, I hope for his own sake he learns how things are at your age aren't permanent, 10 years from now it will just be a not so glorious memory and nothing more. You are obligated to her, you're girlfriend, potential lover, and maybe even potential spouse. She turned him down.

My best friend told me he had a crush on If, like you mentioned in the comments, y'all have been dating now for a few months, honestly.

She turned you up. That's all there is too it. What matters is what's between you and her. It might hurt to realize this, but at this point, he's just noise. It's about you and her. Not you and her, and also his feelings. If he's a good friend, he'll understand. It's not his job to be jealous, and it sure and hell isn't his job to introduce drama to your success. You made it with her, he didn't. God willing, he'll get his one love someday, hopefully soon. I wish him well. You should too.

You did nothing wrong by him.

He took his chance with her and gave it a shot, and he lost. That you succeeded with her is actually irrelevant. Him and her wouldn't have worked anyways.

That might need to be explained to him, with some very, very delicate wording. A word from the older, and every other Blue Moon wiser: Never apologize for your success. So congrats, you got a girl you like. It's his job as your friend to appreciate your success.

It's not your job to feel bad about being successful. Ultimately a NAH No-Assholes-Here issue I reckon but also some sour feels and while I'd probably want to get with a girl who I liked and liked me back and don't think a friend has "dibs", I'd still feel shitty if he really liked her. This is exactly how I met my husband. My best friend had a crush on our mutual co-worker, So I invited him to a couple hang outs with the intention of setting them up, but we really hit it off.

Then we started dating. Turns out he'd had a crush on me for awhile. Friend got over it and was in our wedding party. She now takes credit for our relationship. Thats a pretty whack story haha. I came too late to make a judgement, but I like how you guys still managed to make up after all of this.

No one is entitled to block a relationship between two other people because they have a crush. I'm sure it hurt your friends feelings, but you can't not be allowed to be interested in whoever your friend is interested in.

In middle school particularly, I shared many crushes with friends. Sometimes I felt jealously, but we all agreed our friendship was more important and whoever got the guy got the guy.

There was even a couple times where one of my friends would date an ex of mine or I dated the ex of another friend. We still remained friends. NAH unless she led him on or something to that affect its just something that happens in life, sucks for your friend but doesn't sound like anybody's fault specifically.

I had a similar experience where my friend ended up dating the guy I liked and had actually hooked up with on multiple occasions and it wasn't the first time she'd done something like that. I don't hate her and I don't think she's an asshole, but I also didn't feel comfortable continuing a friendship with someone who disregarded my feelings like that on multiple occasions.

So, no, you're not an asshole, but your friend's reaction is also totally understandable to me. The way you did it was fine and it just happened. He needs to learn just cos you like someone sadly they might not like you back.

Its good he can learn this while he's young despite it being heartbreaking. Be friends with him again if he decides to come round. Obviously feelings of romantic love can pull stronger than the feelings of love for your friends, even close ones.

NTA, but I think I you should've told him that you were planning on making a move on her, just to be courteous. His reaction to that wouldn't have really mattered, but you would've at least given him a heads-up and it would've made you look like a better friend that really cared about his feelings which are completely natural.

YTA, feelings changed, but the least you could have done was ask him if it was cool, instead you went behind his back, which is dirty. This happened to me in high school.

My friend like this girl in my class, so i talked to her for him, but she only see him as a friend. Well, I found out from my other friends that she liked me, which made it more awkward because I have two classes with her. I didn't pursue her out of respect for my friend, even though I was not close to him. He would had been mad if I did, and I wouldn't blame him. To this day, we're still friend, so I'm glad I stuck to the code, lol.

Being sneaky about it is. Out of all the girls in the world, the one you picked to date was the one your friend liked? That too after she turned him down? And you didn't even like her initially. That's a dick move bro. Your decision to start dating his crush was the end of a good friendship. Put yourself in his shoes. Why can't he date her and still be his friend? The friend took his shot and struck out. She can date whoever she wants to date.

It's not like he seduced her before the friend could say something or went out of his way to trash talk the friend so she would see the friend as unattractive. Is he supposed to pass up a chance to date a cool lady because the friend might get butthurt?

The friend doesn't have a claim to her. He has absolutely no right to dictate who can and cannot date this person. Yes, he is supposed to pass on it because he knows it will hurt his friend.

Idk why everyone in here is acting like they would be okay if any of their friends did this at any point in their life. Of course anyone would be upset about that, but hopefully they'd eventually realise that just because they're butthurt doesn't mean their friend should throw away a potential life time of happiness.

Yeah, it definitely seems too late for me to make it up to him. I wish I could do something that doesn't involve me breaking up with a girl when I'm literally still in the honeymoon phase I never thought I'd be the type of guy to get into this mess I've been on both sides of this. I had a friend ask someone out that I told her I had a crush on yes it hurt at the time, but there are many fish in the sea and I found someone amazing later.

I also dated a friend's ex. I told her about it and she made the decision to ghost me as well. This was the same person BTW. I decided that my life was better without her in it. You will make many friends in life. Some last a while, some are brief. Not because you're dating this girl but because you hid it from your friend for two months. You knew how he felt and you should have been up front with him about the situation. Of course YTA here. Not even for permission, just out of respect.

YTA, imagine if the role were reversed. How would you feel if your friend knew you had crush on a girl and then he started dating that girl? Friends are more important than high school girlfriend. Yeah, I wouldn't have felt guilty if I wasn't the asshole. What do you think I should do at this point? I know I'm only in highschool but I'm emotionally attached to this girl at this point, and I think she is too If I were you, I would lay my cards on the table.

I would tell him how I feel and open up that dialogue. Sure, all that sexual tension can be fun for a minute, but after years of this, it will be a relief to get it all out in the open. If he does not feel the same way you do, then you need to create a boundary, one that precludes cuddling in undies and other confusing behavior. And you may find that you need to back off this friendship for a bit, to recalibrate. Getting yourself in a situation in which you say you're fine with being friends but really aren't is a recipe for disaster.

Another point to consider: He may like this murkiness because it allows him to get affection and validation from two women without technically doing anything wrong. But, make no mistake. This has made it easy for him to skirt responsibility here.

This situation will require you to be honest with him and more importantly, with yourself and be firm in setting boundaries.

Life is hard, but it's better when you're not alone. Sign up for our newsletter and get our Self-Care and Solidarity eBook just because we love you! Skip to main content. Ask Erin. ErinKhar ErinKhar. Hi Erin! He is the first person I want to tell things to when something happens, and the person I want to hang out with the most. Your jealousy is YOUR problem.

You need to try and spend more time away from them. Find some other friends to hang out with. Most people have somebody in their life who they secretly loved.

We usually call that person 'The one who got away' so you're completely normal in that respect. But you can't allow it to take over your life. Remember, if you really cared about this girl you would want her to be happy, so you can't be selfish here.

Or you could risk losing both of them. Eventually in time you will find somebody new, and you will wonder what all the fuss was about. But you need to give yourself an opportunity to find that person.

How Does The Relationship Change When You Start Dating Your Best Friend? 11 Women Explain

This won't happen if you're always obsessing about this other girl. If you've known each other since you were kids she probably does love you - but only as a friend. You need to respect that. Things will get easier in time. Good luck! Girl you better go be a kid. Yeah ur 14 yrs. You shouldn't cut yourself off from them.

If she thinks you hate her now or that you've fallen for another girl, you'll never have a chance. Just pretend that your you're not bothered and express fake happiness for them both. Who knows, maybe their relationship wasn't made to last? If you really love her, let her go And man!! Bro i am in the same exact situation. I liked the girl way longer than he did.

You need to go get her, friends come and go but there is only one girl of your dreams. Omg that was a real problem. You seriously need to talk to him. You should focus your time away from your friends and start concentrating on yourself. Pagination 1.


  1. Meztizilkree

    I join. I agree with told all above. Let's discuss this question.

  2. Samugar

    In it something is. I agree with you, thanks for the help in this question. As always all ingenious is simple.


Leave a Reply

Your email will not be published. Required fields are marked *