Health and wellness touch each of us differently. Well, that was my life during cancer treatment. As a pharmaceutical representative for a major international pharma company, I was already spending most of my time at the hospital. Sure, some of the men I met would come over to my apartment to eat all my food and leave the toilet seat up. He was a definite no for me.
That love affair ended about two minutes in, when he went to attach heart sensors to my chest and got a glimpse of my uncovered body in the harsh fluorescent light of the operating room. I was hopped up on anesthetics, so my response was to smile sloppily and drool out of the side of my mouth. That was the pattern that continued with any eligible bachelor familiar with my disease.
If he wasn't given an untimely look at my body, he was taking an X-ray of my pelvis or cleaning up my vomit in a hospital room. As for male patients, let's just say the only ones I encountered probably saw the Beatles live on Ed Sullivan.
I began online dating two years before my cancer diagnosis. And although I faced a mastectomy, reconstruction and chemo, dating was still.
Looking back, it seems ridiculous that I did this. I had decided while signing up that I wouldn't actually go on any dates.
Dating after diagnosis: Love in the time of chemotherapy
I just needed some human interaction. More often than not I was too fatigued to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen—a total of about seven steps.
How was I going to get to a bar or coffee shop to meet a date? And if any guy had showed up at my house looking for a one-night stand, I would've rewarded him by asking him to go pick up my meds from the pharmacy.
Plus, I could only imagine the sea of douchey, vulgar dudes I'd run into: muscle-obsessed bros, fedora-wearing mansplainers, guys who probably still live in mom's basement. There was enough crap to deal with, I thought, without subjecting myself to the dregs of the Internet.
But much of my life then was a quest for normalcy amid endless doctor's appointments, debilitating physical and mental pain, and the looming specter of my own mortality. Dating via Tinder isn't an inherently pleasant experience for a twentysomething lady, but it is, at this point, a common one. While registering I couldn't help but think of the line comedian Tig Notaro, herself a breast cancer survivor, suggested for the online dating profiles of the recently diagnosed: "Serious inquiries only.
Should I just put "cancer patient" in my bio and be up front about it?
Chemo and dating
Could that attract weirdos with a fetish for physically ill girls? On the flip side, would I find anyone out there able to look past my cancer to see that I am smart, funny, and completely dateable? I decided to go with my typical descriptors "whiskey drinker and David Bowie lover"and pulled in a mix of photos from before and after I was sick to show off my flowing locks before and my extreme weight loss after.
Then, doped up on a bunch of meds and suffering from an extreme lack of personal connection with anyone beyond members of the medical profession, I started swiping. To my surprise I quickly started getting matched, and I decided to do a little experiment to see if the men on the dating app were as terrible as I had previously imagined.
I asked all my matches the following: "Would you still have swiped right if I was bald? To paraphrase, the typical responses were along the lines of "Yup! As long as you have a vagina, you're fine by me! Want to know how big my dick is?! The one exception was a clean-cut aspiring actor what can I say, I like broke, creative types who told me that judging from my photos he thought I had the face and the confidence to pull it off. We chatted for a while about movies, music, and books, and seemed quite compatible.
Then I told him that I actually was bald and that it was because I was going through chemotherapy. That was the last I heard from him. Regardless of whether you are currently receiving treatment or have entered the post-treatment phase, coping with your diagnosis may take time.
Adjusting to treatment side effects or the physical and emotional impact of a cancer diagnosis is a personal experience. Remember that each experience is unique and there is no right or wrong time to begin dating. However, it is important to feel comfortable and confident, regardless of where you are in your cancer experience.
Managing doctor appointments or coping with treatment side effects can be time consuming and stressful.
Call me crazy, but I went on a date two weeks after my double both chemo and radiation since my cancer had been upgraded from Stage 1 to. Relationship with your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend. Young adults do not expect their partners to face a life-threatening illness. Like you, your. Dating via Tinder isn't an inherently pleasant experience for a I'd much rather sit through one more chemo session than listen to some dude.
You may want to consider talking to your family, friends or even your health care team to help you decide when dating might be right for you.
Start slow, start small.
Consider getting involved in group social events, taking a local class or joining a club. Starting small with these types of activities can help build confidence, self-esteem and social skills. Remember to take it slow; these can be opportunities to socialize, relax with friends and meet new groups of people without stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Dating in itself – or, I should say, finding someone to date – is never easy. Finding someone when you happen to be bald, going through chemo. A cancer diagnosis can often impact how you view dating, intimacy and romantic relationships. Dating during chemo - Men looking for a woman - Women looking for a woman. Join the leader in relations services and find a date today. Join and search!.
Get support. Support groups offer the chance to meet and interact with people going through a similar experience. I figured since I didn't yet look the part why fess up when I wasn't sure if there would be a second or even third date? Then my hair started to fall out from chemo and I had a reconstructed boob without a headlight.
Dating during chemotherapy isn’t easy
I couldn't hide it anymore so I began telling my dates sooner rather than later. I was scared of rejection, embarrassed by my bald head and scarred boob.Chemo for Breast Cancer - Recovery & Success after Chemotherapy - Max Hospital
I certainly wasn't feeling sexy. No stiletto heels for me.
Neuropathy pain put me in comfy shoes. Menopause from chemo made me feel like an old lady, no longer a sexy single girl. My dating escapades ranged from the guy who thought I would be easier to get in bed because I had cancer, to the nice guy who bowed out gracefully when I told him.
Here's everything she learned about dating while dealing with cancer. Jana Champagne in the hospital getting chemo treatment (Photo. I was sort of dating someone at the time, but we weren't tight enough to be to move in and help her weather the surgery, chemo and radiation. Unless you're already in a relationship during chemo, you're just not ready to reenter the world of dating after treatment. (This is my opinion.
The worst was the guy who patted himself on the back and let me know that I should be grateful he was dating "someone like me. But I stayed so hopeful. Just as I was finishing up with chemo I gave it one more try. I met another man online. His name was Lou. That first night we IM'd I fessed up about my cancer. Despite all of that he still wanted to meet. I had found someone who could see past all the scars and my bald head to the person I was.